Forced.

This really isn't anyone's fault. 

I just feel deeply hurt about what's going on right now and I don't know if things are ever gonna be the same when you get back. Everything's gonna change and I don't know how to look at us the same way again. Yes, you haven't done anything wrong at all. I am not blaming you for it cause you're just blinded by so many people around you right now who has the potential to change your mindset towards your entire life. 

But how do I look forward to the rest of my life with you anymore when one important part of it is just gone like that? I've been explaining and explaining all over again but all you seem to think about is me being unreasonable and selfish. I just needed you to understand but you don't see eye to eye with me on this at all and it hurts cause that just proves how much this means to you at all. How do I protect your interest when you can't even keep mine secure? 

You know how much I want to do this with you. But I don't even think that it will ever happen for us anymore cause I'm not strong enough to do it with you. Images of you happily doing it with others while I cry for you here is just gonna keep coming back. One important dream we've planned and made together is just GONE like that. I am so upset that I have no words to describe the sense of lost I'm feeling right now. 

All you can think about is how much mistakes I did yesterday making this feel like an obligation for me to feel okay towards. It always seems to you that I'm "bursting" and getting angry for no reason. You just don't know how much pain you're putting me through now with your decisions. Only when it happens to you, will you truly understand.

Its all too late and I don't wanna say much to you, neither do I wanna tell you what I really want. Cause at the end of the day, I'll just be a "bitch girlfriend" once again. Keeping it in seems to be the only solution but I don't know how long will I be able to do it. It is gonna haunt us for the rest of our lives together. But you choose to follow your decision, then there's nothing we can do now but face the consequences in time to come.