Something's been in my head for quite a while now and I've been trying to brush it aside, but I know that it's time to face it. Before I begin, I have to say that this post might not flow nicely but it's not because I don't care, I just have so much to say. When I'm about to type something, something else pops up in my head and ruins my chain of thoughts. Also, I'm not going to hold back on anything, I'm going to be really frank in this post because I'm honestly sick of not being able to say anything I truly feel on my OWN blog.
So... just bear with me yeah?
Well, it's been almost 3 to 4 years since I started modelling for blogshops and I find it quite amazing that up till this day, people are still asking me how it all began. It got me thinking and I started reflecting on my journey over the past few years. Hence, this post.
I asked Fai what people in general think of when they hear my name and he replied "blogshop model". I couldn't disagree. It's become a part of me that's hard to erase and I admit, I was very lucky to start that journey at the right time. I entered the industry at the stage when girls were getting a little more ambitious. Almost everyone wanted to be like Tammy Tay and own her own online business. So it wasn't hard to get jobs then and for a 17 year old to earn the kind of money I did back then, (I have to boast a little) it was pretty impressive.
I had the time of my life "working" as a blogshop model and it felt good that I didn't have to work at a F&B or retail shop to past my time like most teenagers. (But I did work at BFF and B&J cause I just wanted to. hahaha) That was one of the reasons why I quitted A&F too because the time I spent standing on the shop floor could be used for photo shoots where I could earn half of what I would earn a month at A&F in just 2 hours. I'm SORRY if I sound arrogant here but I'm really just being downright honest. I mean at the end of the day, we all just wanna earn big bucks the easiest way right?
This is why people can't take bloggers or blogshop models seriously. They think we're just a brunch of bimbos, vainpots, empty vessels etc that don't deserve to earn the sort of money we do. But it's just the way the industry is and we can't change it. I've been in it for almost 4 years now (as a blogshop model), and I still don't know who started it. Who the hell started charging so much?!?! I wanna know.
The point here is, I hate it when people don't take us seriously. Yes, it may seem easy to wear pretty clothes and pose for the camera but I feel that there's always something to learn with every job.
Blogshop modelling taught me a lot about building my confidence, having some sort of presence and signature, and I learnt the importance of responsibility and punctuality. Basically things that are essential for success in the blogging industry, or even, in ANY industry. And for that, I think that blogshop modelling is a job that should be shown more respect than how it's currently viewed by the public.
I am sick of feeling shy and embarrassed when I tell people I started out my blogging career as a blogshop model. The same old smirk appears on their face the moment I mention it. And then they start to mimic blogshop poses and they laugh about it. IN MY FUCKING FACE. Like hello?? It's my livelihood and I don't appreciate you making a joke out of it. Like what the hell is wrong with you?! People just don't realise how much is expected out of a blogger or a blogshop model.
Just think about it. Why the hell do bloggers do plastic surgery or why do they inject fillers or botox into themselves when they look perfectly fine? Just like blogshop models, we're all being constantly watched. Do you know how it feels like to know that you're being judged and scrutinised for every single shit? Of course, you'll start to feel like you're not good enough. Of course, you start to post pictures of yourself in a certain way even though you know it's not right. These are just ways to make ourselves feel better, feel stronger. It's a fake front.
WHEW.... Sorry, I tend to allow my anger to speak ahead of me some times :)
Anyway, it's tough being a blogshop model. Especially if you're in demand. You'd find that you don't have time for yourself anymore. You'd find that you hardly get to spend the weekends properly with your loved ones. You'd find that you have some sort of expectation to stay skinny. So you don't eat. You start to lose a hell lot of weight and it's never enough. You start to think that you're fat and if you're fat, nobody will hire you anymore.
When you're required to model beside another model that you feel inferior to, maybe she's taller or she has bigger boobs or longer legs or she's fairer, you start to doubt yourself. It's a constant psychological game that you play on your own and nobody knows. And everyone else makes fun of your job when deep down inside, this is what you're truly going through. Hence, whenever someone mimics blogshop poses, I actually feel like slapping him/her. But no, I'm being watched and judged so I put up a fake front and cover it with a sweet little smile :)
Wow, how in the world did I start talking about all that...
Well, everything has it's expiry date and my time as a blogshop model might be up really soon. Not because I don't want to do it anymore but it get tiring guys. Initially, it was just a hobby or a summer job but if you do it so often, it becomes really really... really... exhausting. It takes a toll on my body. I used to be able to take on 2 shoots a day for an entire week, but over time, I couldn't even take 1 shoot a day for a week. And now that I'm juggling between blogging and acting(probably), I have to weigh out my priorities.
I don't want to leave it behind entirely. These days, I find that I only do shoots for shops that I'm close to. With people that I've made close friends with over the years. It's not so much like a job anymore, it's more like I'm doing it because I enjoy their company and it's the least I can do to give back to them. After all, without the opportunities they had given me, I wouldn't be where I am today.
I will always be a blogshop model with the hope that it will be taken seriously one day. I will always remember how my first shoot with Ashincans felt like, I was a nervous wreck and my poses were atrocious. I will always remember the first time I modelled with Asyiha and how I felt so ugly beside her. hahaha. I will always recall all the politics and little fights blogshops had with one another. I will always remember what it felt like to be replaced by new comers. And I will never forget to look back and thank it for everything it had done for me.
All I have left are memories from old pictures. I guess this is me growing up and moving on.
xoxo,
Eunice Annabel
(p.s. In case you're confused, I am still available for shoots! HAHA. Just not as often anymore kay!)
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